somewhere in between

Yesterday was hideously busy at the warehouse. All day long I was shouting into the PA system, “willcallcalltheoperator, willcallpleasecalltheoperator.” Eventually they answer and I say something like, “I have order JK9034; it’s in quality control.” It was kind of a drag. And yes, I speak in semicolons. Improperly, sometimes.

I shouldn’t complain about my job because it isn’t too bad, but I can’t wait until I’m back in school. I really think it is going to be awesome. I keep thinking how much more fun it will be to have a better social life, meet other people around my age who are doing interesting things, doing stimulating work. I’m even moving back in with Di, who is starting a teaching program there. She was telling me that her old friends from college are looking forward to visiting. Paddy is thrilled too–he did grad school there too (for more years than he likes to admit) and loves it. The only irritation so far is that my family has been telling me how I have to hang out with my sister while I’m there and I don’t like being told what to do. Actually, I’m a little worried how this nostalgia is going to affect our experience. Will it all crash and burn? Or are we older and wiser than last time? (I think I am always waiting to see if I’m any wiser–I remember when I was little I would look in the mirror on my birthday and try to see if I looked any wiser). What if it doesn’t all work out? I know it seems like the only things that I talk about are Paddy, work and my impending return to school, but really, not that much goes on beyond those few areas of my life. I can’t comfortably talk too much about Paddy, work is dull and school keeps the same old questions swirling in my brain.

The pragmatic side of nature tells me that it doesn’t matter so much, because I can’t really be worse off than I am now. And it isn’t even so bad. It’s just so hard to find that necessary balance between ambition and not really giving a damn. Somewhere in between you can do well without driving yourself crazy or letting life pass you by.

Welcome.

I’ve kept a diary on diaryland.com for a few years, but it has not been working very well lately.  Since most of my friends use this site, I figured I should tag along.